THE CONVERSE CONVERSATION

Girl: You are so inconsistent?

Boy: How? Why are you saying so?

Girl: I don’t remember.

Boy: But you said I am inconsistent!

Girl: Yeah you are! But how do you expect me to remember all the reasons.

Boy: But since you are commenting on me. I think I should know what led you to think so?

Girl: You are so mean-minded that you catch on to all small things.

Boy: I am mean-minded because I asked you to qualify your allegation?

Girl: You are mean-minded because you don’t understand what is important and not important in life.

Boy: But what may not be important for you may be important for me. Don’t you think this? It is important for me because at least five times a day you brand my statements/actions as ‘inconsistent’.

Girl: You know I don’t think much before saying anything; then why are you sticking to only one thing?

Boy: This is not just only one thing but this is an adjective you use for me whatever I say or do. Okay, rather than having a long debate why don’t we choose the easier way out. Like mature person why don’t we talk with arguments and back ourselves. Why don’t you ask me whatever you feel like?

Girl: I don’t have anything to ask. I am going.

Boy: Okay go.

Girl: What! Can’t you understand what I meant?

Boy: Oh God! What did I do now?

Girl: I am going means why don’t you talk something else.

Boy: Okay tell me what should I talk about?

Girl: Say anything na!

Boy: As in what?

Girl: How do I know? Say anything na!

Boy: I don’t know what to say.

Girl: See now! Earlier you said that you like me and you can talk to me for hours. Now you don’t know what to say. You are so inconsistent.

Boy: Jesus! Why don’t you kill me. Okay tell me- what is the point in saying something when there is no logic behind what we say. And I don’t think I am inconsistent if I have reasons to say/do a thing.

Girl: I say just for saying. Can’t you take it lightly? Why are you so judgmental?

Boy: I am judgmental? I am trying to make you back yourself. Its you who is branding me.

Girl: So mean you are. Okay leave it. I don’t want to talk anymore.

Boy: I am also thinking that we should stop talking. There is no point in talking when every time a talk is finished by saying “Okay leave it”. If we can’t convince each other there is no point in taking things further.

Girl: How can you decide for me? I will do whatever I want to do.

Boy: Okay then. I will not talk to you unless you justify the allegations you make on me.

Girl: This is what you do always. You always try to run away from me. I am a fool to run behind you?

Boy: I am not asking you to run. I run because there is no reasonable conclusion to what we talk. You can stop running behind “If you want to”.

Girl: Okay go! Henceforth, I am not following you.

Boy: Thanks. Bye!

The flip side

Story 1:

I noticed him for half an hour. It seemed quite weird. He ran to the building. He, then, ran on the stairs and then came running down in a while. He sat for a while, took out a piece of paper from his pocket and wrote something on it. He again started running on the stairs. He again came back running in a while. He sat, took the paper out and again started writing something. He looked much tensed as he was putting the paper to use. Then he suddenly started to laugh. He looked up in the sky, touched his head and ran up the stairs again. When he returned, he looked very thoughtful. He then leaned on a pillar, looked at his watch, took a deep breath and seemed much relaxed. The only thought which came to mind after seeing all this - how inconsistent this man is?

Story 2:

I noticed those two for half an hour. It seemed quite weird. The first one ‘A’, first ran to the building. He, then, ran on the stairs and then came running down in a while. He sat for a while, took out a piece of paper from his pocket and wrote something on it. He again started running on the stairs. He again came back running in a while. He sat, took the paper out and again started writing something. He looked much tensed as he was putting the paper to use. Then he suddenly started to laugh. He looked up in the sky, touched his head and ran up the stairs again. When he returned, he looked very thoughtful. He then leaned on a pillar, looked at his watch, took a deep breath and seemed much relaxed. The only thought which came to mind after seeing all this - how inconsistent this man is?

The other one ‘B’, I could notice was standing near the window on the second floor. Throughout he was looking at the first guy with a smile on the face. Whenever the first guy ran up the stair, he hid himself in the curtain and just when the first guy returned he again came back to the window looking at him and smiling. This game went on for all the time till the first guy went up. When the first guy leaned on the pillar, looked at his watch, took a deep breath and seemed relaxed, he looked a bit concerned. He clapped loudly for his attention. But the first guy ignored all of it.

I now have the piece of paper which was in the first guy’s pocket. On the front side of it there is a puzzle. The rear side outlines- the puzzle has a mind of its own. Stop when you think that the puzzle does not want the solution to be found. You have lost then!

CRICKET, REVERENCE AND DANCING LIGHTS

CRICKET

Some say it is just another game and some collect stones to make temples in blue or use them to throw on, otherwise. For me it is more than just a game but I am negative on collecting stones either.

I myself have been playing cricket for years, not professionally but with my heart into it. Any game coming in days kills all my desire to sleep, to rest and to do a thing else. I make an imaginary ground with an imaginary pitch. I have all the players playing into it but imaginary. I make plans, assign roles and contemplate on execution of it. I calculate the shortcomings, I plan the surprises and I do it till the end. I play a director where I have roles for everybody, even the umpires, scorers and the spectators. It is not that I do not see me losing at times but I want to get over it by doing something- something which I don’t know or may be something which I have just a hint of.

End of the day I remember “we go to war not to the victory.” So much for the one game and then there is another one…

REVERENCE (A GIRL’S DIARY)

My life is simple. I don’t call it my philosophy of life but you may call it if you wish so. I am a girl who wants to enjoy every moment of life without cribbing much about what lies in the womb of future, though I know that there are things from which there is no escape. But as much I know that I really don’t like to be tied down- this is certainly not me.

The people who are close to me are the ones whom I am very comfortable with, whom I know well. Anyone trying to share my life must know that I might give him a chance but I won’t give him a finger. I cannot trust someone abruptly. It takes time to get coloured. For now I think I am happy in life and I am doing good. So much for this but anything can happen in the future…

REVERENCE (A BOY’S DIARY)

I started noticing her around six months back though I have seen her many a times before. That day she looked to me as never before. I can’t say that I started ‘feeling’ for her then but she certainly captured me. Then on I started reading her life in whatever she said, she wrote, she did. She is a perfect blend of fun, wit, amity, and elegance. As much as she is involved in anything as much respect she commands.

I have never talked to her and I am afraid to do so. I am afraid because I don’t know and neither can I guess her take on me. More so, I am puzzled whether she would like me approach her or not. Even if I push my courage to do so what if I fail? Everything I say, I write, I do would then be branded. Lives which I contemplate may get further apart…

DANCING LIGHTS

I started deep into this inhale very recently. I do this to get out of the hell I think I am in. I know it kills but trust me that there are times, and these are very frequent, that I just can’t avoid it.

It took me couple of days to get to ‘enjoy’ this. I use it to counter the excess sensitivity of my heart beats which are nothing but reflections of some images. I take one and try to count my pulse- I can’t listen to anything. Something in me tells that my body is faking this otherwise how am I alive. I get angry on myself for not even supporting me in the spirit of the purpose. I take another- I still can’t feel anything. My mind goes blank, my eyes get closed and I can’t feel even my own limbs. I don’t remember whether I closed those lights or not but I fall on the mattress lying on the floor. For next couple of minutes I am lost. All I can see is those dancing lights which DJ’s use for parties, but there are no parties. I am all alone- all alone without limbs, without stomach, without head and without a chest. I breathe hard for minutes. Even the air then does not seem to be the known one, though I have been living here for years.

I remain down like that for many a moments. Those dancing lights slowly turn into dark. I again start feeling myself, my place, my everything and again those images haunt me…

Thomas Leroy

Nina Sayers is brilliant but what captures more of me is Thomas Leroy. The character of Thomas is one that can be easily misinterpreted. One could say that he is the director of the New York Ballet Company who seduces his ballerinas, especially considering the conversations exchanged between Beth and Nina following the Gala announcement of the opening of Swan Lake in the next season. Furthermore, he could also be considered as an individual who has controversial methods of extracting and enhancing the talents of his ballerinas. This is entirely debatable. However the growth of Thomas on Nina throughout the story clearly clarifies he teaches her, he shows her, he challenges her, he abuses her and irrespective of the finale he achieves the perfection through Nina.

It is only the last show that Nina could get the perfect black wings on her swan body. However, not knowing this before, he could only hope for her to do this but he had an alternative in Lily. Lily is the complete opposite of Nina, and has no complications enveloping the black swan character…….

Well, in a movie, be it black swan or not be it, everything looks so focused to the last five minutes of it. But, life actually is mostly how we bargain- bargain with people, situations and own psychology – when there are several of alternatives facing us. Not all of them are worth going for whom we go; not all of them are worth leaving, whom we leave. Generally, we fall when the threshold is so near, but we have closed our eyes, and hence so far.

Ye sala pagal hai!

Ye sala pagal hai! He is one crazy bastard! How can someone be like him? In present times everyone is so calculative, so focused to where gains lie that no one cares what heart says but what mind guides. I met him very recently in a very casual kind of session but I could not lose my focus off him. He has his own duniya, own people, own life, own story and own philosophy. Though there is nothing wrong with it but he does not fit in this world. In terms of length of acquaintance I hardly know him but I think that I know him for his intentions are more than clear to me. Well, I am not trying to play with words but he is one crazy bastard! His feelings are damn strong. He can make you feel like a god at once if you really are, but mind it you are a devil to him otherwise. So no play of ‘casuals’ work on him. He is just into the things- deep very deep.

It certainly is not that he is not calculative but he is calculative of a different kind which we all miss sight of. He calculates intensity and lots of it. He calculates the rises and he also makes the falls count. But to know him you need to be very careful. He would look ordinary to you. But what goes in those inner hyper-planes are not ordinary. He is very subtle yet very rigid.

With cautions in hand, I got a bit friendly to him. He had his parameters to judge me and rightly so he shared his life to me. I take no honours but being an actor into the play, he introduced his stage to me. I was spell-bound for his intensity of thought was an ocean- so vast still so deep. To give some flesh to the skeleton I found in him, I had the privilege to witnessing a piece of his intensity. He titles this “For Her”.

“For Her”

“You make me a world like yours- my life, for me to have and to hold, for better or for worse. Your innocent face lifts my mind. Your love makes me stronger and stronger. Your thoughts make me lighter. Nothing in this world can compare to the way I feel for you, the way I feel when I'm with you. With you I am just me. You are my language of happiness, my strength to win hearts. Nothing can describe the way I feel for you. You are warm and precious.

I am unable to stop myself from thinking about you. Not even for a single second of the day. Right from the time I get up till the time I sleep, its only you in my mind. You are the only mate I have. I wait all the day to spend those few hours when I get to write something about you on ‘that’ page of my book. And for the remaining part of the day I read it- again and again- as if it is a part of me somewhere else.

I have given my heart to you. I feel so and I do. Nothing which I have is mine but they are the shades of your thoughts. Every day I tease you to get your reaction, I praise you to feel proud and remember you to be at peace.

But when you tell me bye, the world stops. Something below my neck chokes me. I feel no air to breathe. I keep my eyes closed and see none but you getting apart from me. Please do not go for I cry everyday when the night is very dark, the silence is scary and my body is shaking- all because you are drifting apart from me. I wish to be washed away then- tears help sometime.!!!”